“It’s just a like any European city…”

I found myself using this phrase to many describe Istanbul to many potential visitors from the US and Western Europe. People seem fear that people in Istanbul will resemble Saudi Arabia, when in fact it reminds me of Budapest.

However, in spite of my self-made propaganda purporting the city’s open-mindedness, I have found that one group here is strangely conservative and closed to new ideas. Religious people? The elderly? No – the gays. I can’t recall having been somewhere with such rigid minded fags. The average gay guy here is very anti-bi, and (to my mind) abnormally focused on the appropriateness of top/bottom pairings. I have talked to lots guys here for whom being with a bi guy is an unequivocal deal breaker. Also, the seemingly undue emphasis on anal sex within the community is a little off-putting. A good conversation can come to an abrupt end with – “oh, you are also a top? Never mind.”

Given the widespread reality of vast numbers married bisexual men living secret lives with gay lovers, I can somewhat understand this attitude. But the fervency of feeling appears to come from some kind of gay socialization that stigmatizes having a non-exclusively gay sexual identity. To compound the prejudice, there are also overtones of misogynistic and anti-tranny sentiments. One can find corollaries in  gay subcultures the world over. But it is interesting that this is the dominant view among Turkish (or, perhaps, just Istanbullu) gay men. Although I have not spent much time in technically gay venues, I have not come across many people that would subscribe to a more broadly-defined queer identity. Anyone else have observations? Comment!